I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
