guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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