yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
