She's JV to your varsity
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
