I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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