you're like a bully in the Christmas story
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
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Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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