nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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