on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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