I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
