I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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