I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
