Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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