highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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