So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
