she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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