we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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