We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
whose parrot is this?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
