I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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