I cockslap morals
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
the day after is always just damage control
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
