conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
