Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
