my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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