Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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