Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
