Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
We had sex on a dog bed..
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize