You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
