Duck Duck Cougar?
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
