He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
