grandma shit on top of the toilet
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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