did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
