he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
it's like iHOP with fire
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
