If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
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