My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
