He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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