my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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