It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
