just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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