There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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