so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
