420 ftw
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
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