I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
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