I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
