The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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