Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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