i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
