she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Semen is not good for contacts.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
