Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
