In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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