I think my vagina is haunted
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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