i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
