For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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