im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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