I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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