We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
