All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
