Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
