Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
