anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
