he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
