I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
