ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
