Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
