I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
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Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
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He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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