I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
