i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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