dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
