this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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