sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
