my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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