Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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