just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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