proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
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