Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
