On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
