If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
smell my finger.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
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